Thursday, January 14, 2010


What with food prices risin like a cloud over Hiroshima, Harmon Hicks decided to start eatin Indian style. It weren't the smartest notion he ever had, not that he was ever known for his brilliance.

"Prickly pear, that's where I'll start! There's a whole batch of em in my back yard."

Being the cordial type Harmon invited everyone at the Bar None Bar & Bar-B-Q to drop by for supper. The only ones who took him up on the invite were Later Billy and Big Junior who both thought it might be an amusement worth watchin.

"I read up on it and learnt you gotta burn off the stickers first," he announced in his most authoritative voice pretendin he actually read up on the topic. Seems he simply had a vague recollection of the process.

"Once that's done you cut em into strips and cook em like okra," he elaborated. "No more store-bought food for me." He was right proud and grinnin big, like a politician at a county fair.

So.... sittin out by the fire pit he tossed about about a half dozen prickly pear pads on the fire and was turnin them over every now and again with a iddy bitty tongs when it happened.

Them pears started swellin up lookin all bloated like. As the insides got boiling hot, the outsides started to crack. Then -- kaplooy! They exploded like an antipersonnel weapon. Later Billy sprung to his feet and lit out like he was bein attacked by a swarm a Mexican Killer Bees.

"Jeezus!" Later Billy yelled from a safe distance, about 30 yards away. "I thought you read up on this?"

Well, Harmon wasn't sayin nothin, him being too busy picking stickers outa his hands, arms, face and other body parts. Fool that he was he was still standin by the fire and them pads were still a poppin but he was mightily distracted by the pain of it all.

Big Junior, who by his great good fortune just happened to be waterin a nearby tree at the time, nearly wet all over his self when he heard the explosion.

"Okay," Big Junior said, "so much for the dinner. What's for desert?"


Anonymous said...

Hope this helps Harmon out:


1. Select newly developed pads, singe off their spines over open flame, rinse, and pat dry.

2. Cut into strips, lay them on a bed of salt on a cookie sheet.

3. Roast, turning once, until they're dry and crisp.

4. Eat them like jerky.

--Myasthenia Gravis

Ollie Gravis said...

Dang Myasthenia, I thought maybe we was related. Turns out you are some kind of disease:

The hallmark of myasthenia gravis is fatiguability. Muscles that control eye and eyelid movement, facial expression, chewing, talking, and swallowing are especially susceptible.

Other symptoms are slurred speech -- like when Big Junior is drunk, unstable or waddling gait -- like when Big Junior is drunk, impaired speech, often nasal -- like when big Junior tries to sing. The
crises may be triggered by emotional stress -- like when the Bar None Bar & Bar-B-Q is closed.