ANYTHING BUT THAT

Well, procrastinatin on a Honey-Do List ain't all that bad according to Later Billy.

Seems his live-in boss got so fed up waitin for him to fix that screen door whats been slammin in the breeze like the wind chime from hell she went and made Later Billy an offer he couldn't refuse.

"You fix that screen door and you can have your way with me."

"Run that by me again." He thought he'd done died and gone to heaven.

"You heard me."

"You mean like anything?"

"Anything but that."

Later Billy knew what that meant.

"So, the door is wide open for fruits and vegetables," he grinned.

"Okay, but we're not doing grapes again."

"Well, Sugar, I gotta ponder on this for a spell. Chances like this don't come along hardly ever and I have to work up my own Honey-Do List for this one."

"Do it soon. This offer expires at the end of the week. And don't go yammering about this with those do-nothins at the Bar None Bar & Bar-B-Q."

"Oh, Sweetie that never crossed my mind."

Later, at the Bar None Bar & Bar-B-Q, all the fellers weren't sittin at the bar as usual, but instead they was all hunched over a corner table like they was hatchin some conspiracy. Later Billy joined em so's he wouldn't be left out of any excitement.

Then's when he learned some motor-vational speaker held forth at the Ladies Garden Club and Gab Fest. And all the fellers was talking about how he told the womenfolk different ways to get their no-account, lay-about, beer-drinkin, couch-potato menfolk to get offa their butts and do something useful.

None of the offers were half as promising as Later Billy's. Nowhere near that.

R.L.'s old-lady simply pulled out a hand gun and said, "Patch that leak in the roof or else. This offer expires at the end of the week."

Little Junior was given the opportunity to go fishin all week if he'd do the dishes for a week. Hearin that, all the fellers chipped in for an extra large apron which he promptly spent on beer. 'Sides his very-common-law wife had a reputation for slippin around. No way was Little Junior about to wash dishes for a week so she could go back to her not-so-old ways while he was off tryin to catch fish.

Big Junior's woman said she wouldn't file for divorce again if he'd clean out that "pile of crap" in the garage. Since Big Junior only worked part-time, when he had to, he needed her income. Needless to say he jumped on the task. Her offer expired at the end of the day.

It was all Later Billy could do to keep his trap shut about his offer but he kept his word knowing full well that his missis was most likely the best a feller could ask for. Especially amongst this bunch of bar flies, or most anywhere else for that matter.

Later Billy hardly finished his second long neck before he hopped in his pickup, drove straight past the fruit and vegetable stand and headed home.

Bright and early the next mornin the screen door swung like new--sorta--and when the misses got up she found Later Billy workin on his list.

"Sugar," he asked with a smile as wide as his face could hold, "we got any Miracle Whip?"